someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
