He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
