Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
