I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
