i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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