Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
