Your face is a jimmy john
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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