I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
