Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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