My sheets look like a crime scene.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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