The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
