i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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