this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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