Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know her cup size but not her name....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
