If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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