You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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