I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
