Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize