That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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