just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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