I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
