He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
