I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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