I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
