I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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