i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
