Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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