If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
