i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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