im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
