I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
