Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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