I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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