Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
