I'm so fucking centered right now
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
