Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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