Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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