If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
