I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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