So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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