I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
