he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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