I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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