at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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