I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We are all done wearing pants today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
