Umm I'm too high to move.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
