I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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