Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you had me at cake vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
