its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
