its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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