I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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