The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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