What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
