My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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