I will die if light touches me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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