Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
