U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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