I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
