i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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