I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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