She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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