OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
