The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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