I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
