Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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