shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she smelled like a LAN party
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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